Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
