im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You don't make any sense
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