I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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