No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
