remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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