My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
