that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize