I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
we should paint friendship bongs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
