found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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