I hate all girls vehemently.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
