if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
