Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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