I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
