not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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