Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
