So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
