yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
