explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize