best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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