A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
