you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
