just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
