so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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