Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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