My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
