We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize