Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
