Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There's always time for handjobs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize