Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
