You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
two words: eviction party
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
