I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
