A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
