Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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