Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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