At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
