if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
