i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
