dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
