Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
