is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
