I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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