you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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