the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
