when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
