I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
