haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize