the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
