Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
