Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
