remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
