it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
