Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
