Just fell off a train. Bad.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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