I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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