walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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