so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
