I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
