the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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