Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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