god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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