I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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