I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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