I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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