I want to make a zoo with you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
