listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
