Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
