tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
