I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
