Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
