The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
