I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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