We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I did not marry a roomba.
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