just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
