doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
