Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
