i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
