I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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