A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it glows. i had to have it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
