i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
