My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i dont even know how to be here
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
