i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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