I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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