were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
