I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
