last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
