Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize